I do not know if I can handle this horrific realization.

Happier it seems.
Are these days where I find myself.
Yet sadder.
Because of the fact these days are going by.

Why am I aggravated?[wtf.]
Is it my mother?[cancer.]
Is it my father?[hater.]

Breathing in the smoke.
Of this dying world.
Gasping for air.
Can I bum another smoke?

Why do I follow in these dying footsteps?[lulz.]
Is it moronic instinct?[dumass.]
Is it attempts to drown my emotion?[insensitive.]

Spare her.
Take me.
Save Mommy.
Take her baby boy.

I love my mother.

( Do I need a gas mask, Can I get inogulated?)

Wishing.....

My tears are falling.
My heart is braking.
My fingers are clenching.
My lungs are dying.

Can I handle life without her..
Am I under the ludicrous thought that she will live forever.

My instincts are ruling.
My palms are sweating.
My eyes are rolling.
My sanity is diminishing.

 

 

What will I do?

I do not understand what I am going through right now.

Do I miss people?[maybe]
Do I yearn for something missing?[probly]
Do I need to believe in something or someone?[doubtit]

I am running fast.
Towards an unkown destination.
I need focus.
What was I saying?

Do I need to be accepted?[no]
Do I want to be constantly amused?[duh]
Do I need violence?[:)]

I am so confused.
I cannot read my own mind.
I want to jump infront of the world and scream.
My heart is jumping, gasping for freedom.

Do I need this mediocrity called my life?[meh]
Do I need more?[idk]
Do I need anything?[no]

am I crazy?

pondering...

(Touching you.Touching Me.)

My breathing is uneasy.
My heart at a flutter now.
My hands are shaking.
My mind is racing.

Do I believe what I think I believe.
Is my brain a labyrinth of preconceived notions with no truth whatsoever.

My confidence is breaking.
My eyes are dimming.
My soul is weakening.
My life is flashing.

 

What has gone wrong?

I really don't like being angry, I mean who does? It gets you adrenaline levels up causing serious cardio-stress. It also uses up most of your energy and makes you physically exhausted.

 I find myself being more and more angrier every day. I have had no history with bipolar disorder, mind you. So this really doesn't make any sense for me. I am a happy person. I don't like making others angry either.

So why am I so angry these days you ask? I have no idea. Anything, anything at all could set me off and I don't realize it is dumb and illogical until after I have already been angry for a long time.

I do not like the direction in which my life is currently headed. I must meditate.

 Merry met and blessed be my loves.

Nathan.